Black Folk Problems

“When it hurts, it runs deep. When it runs deep, it becomes contagious. When it becomes contagious, it becomes dangerous. Let’s take the fear and danger out of asking for help.”

Yesterday we lost a great legion, Robin Williams. As I am sure most have heard, his death was the result of a suicide. It is reported that he suffered from depression and substance abuse; which he had been trying to stay clean and get the help he needed. Now you may ask what does this have to with black folks and their issues. My response everything…

As an African American young woman, I have seen and heard the affects of mental illness in our community. “Get out them white folks face talkin’ bout yo problems. They don’t care you!” and “We have enough thang going on in our lives without you hollering ’round here ’bout yo business!” and “We black, we ain’t got no head problems.” and “Suck that crap up, life moving on and you sitting here cryin’ bout split milk.” Now I have heard a few of these phrases and then some and the sad part is those who may have been seeking help, have never gotten or will never  receive the care that they may need. Feeling as if they are weak and/or not a REAL black person if they seek counseling for their issues.

Mental health is very much real in our communities and in our lives. Not every one knows how to do a healthy purge of emotions. So as that parent, sibling, friend, lover, co-worker and/or community we have to make sure that we are hearing our loved ones out. Counseling may not be the solution to everything, maybe that person needs to know that they are genuinely loved and cared for by those that are in their life. And maybe counseling is just the thing that they may need. We will never know what our loved ones may be in need of, if we never listen and shut them out whenever they reach out.

So how does mental health become black folk problems? I am not saying that mental health is solely black folk problems, but what I am saying is, the denial of mental health issues in our community is great. The problem with being in denial about it becomes dangerous to the person and their environment. It becomes our problem because we are the ones tearing down those who suffer from any form of mental health or as a proxy in that person’s life we are giving them unrealistic answers to their very real issues.

There are black people right now struggling to cope with life, because their loved ones shutdown the idea of seeking professional help. Living a life where people feel that you are so out of control and they are now afraid you, but these are the same people who denied you the help you may have needed to be able to function in society. Our communities are filled with oxymoron’s and it needs to stop. 

So let’s pray (if you are praying people), talk, laugh, sooth or whatever that person may need from you at the time. But it’s timeout for closing the doors on our loved ones. It’s time to close our mouths and open our ears to their needs. Let’s build them up and let them that they are surrounded by love and encourage them to see things through. 

Until next time… Deuces 

 

Bruh… For Real???

As a little ol’ nappy head girl, with a Mizani perm, I was raise Missionary Baptist, in the African American south. And some of us know exactly what that means. For those who don’t, let me help ya…

1. Sunday school went from 9 – 10:30 or 11am (long winded teachers and no organization is to blame for that extra 30 mins.) Regular Service or morning service was from 11 – 2 or 3 (where ever the spirit led them)
2. Ladies… you better not come in here in those New York and Company pants or pants for that matter. You are lady, put on that skirt or dress.
3. Ladies… Where are your pants hose? Bare flesh will not be tolerated up in here. Jesus don’t want to see your legs and neither does my husband or my son. (Ha! Ha!)
4. Jeans??? No kind person. Your jeans are meant for socializing and mingling amongst the sinners… In the house of GODT… (God) you will dress accordingly.
5. Speaking in tongues??? Off with their heads!!! Not up in here!!! Not on my watch. Not against my Godt!!!

You catch my drift???

Everything was a problem and not acceptable. And going to someone else church… You better not even ask because those heathens are going to hell because they let their people wear jeans. That is the mentality of most African American churches. Not all. (Please keep in mind the not all part. If this wasn’t you growing congratulations, you wore jeans to church.) Every African American church had/has it set of rules and/or customs that “set them apart” in the eyes of the Lord. If you didn’t believe what I believed you were going to hell and there was no question about it. Why did this mentality resonate with so many people…? Great question. Resonated for me because after hearing things like don’t question God, don’t question me (person in charge), and pray about it, because it’s in the word… Shoot. I was like ok. I’m scared. I’m going to take your word for it because it sounds right. Now right here lies the problem with a lot of Christians. “It sounds right!” These folks could be selling you away and you never opened your bible to read it for yourself. Now granted as a child I can understand this mentality. But some of us adults…. Seriously bruh…. For real??? You still on that petty stuff huh? SMH!!!

For example…

The time I first visited my husband’s family and I heard them speaking in tongues. I was scared to death. They sitting here praising the lord and I am in the back asking Jesus to forgive me and them. Why??? Another great question… Because I was told it was wrong. And in my early 20’s I still hadn’t read it for myself. ***SPOILER ALERT*** (I used to be all up in the world… But don’t tell nobody). One day during service, when I was a child, we had a visitor, she got up and started saying something no one understood. Before I could ask anybody anything, I saw that finger wrapped polyester clothing, marching over to this woman and she was gone. (I wonder what she said to her.) After church, I asked my folks what she was saying, because I thought she spoke English to well to be an immigrant. (Don’t judge me. I was a child and didn’t think before I spoke.) I mean seriously, she basically got kicked out church, so somebody had to know what she was saying… Right??? Apparently, no one knew what she was saying but one of the deaconess’ recognized it as the devils language. Needless to say, I was like ooohhhh okay. I get it. She was kicked out because she was different? And you took the advice of a woman who uses peppermint as perfume? (Slumps in chair and ponder.) The answer I was given was, it’s in the bible that it is wrong and it’s the devils language. So… You guessed it. I took it and ran with it.

Of course I know better now.

As I got to know my new found family, I realized, the devil hadn’t taken over my mind and speaking in tongues worked for them. It wasn’t “demonic” and guess what the bible says it’s ok. Don’t believe me, let me help you….Acts 10: 44-48. Just read it for yourself.

But let’s get serious for a moment. We all believe and worship differently, no one person is right and the other is wrong. In Romans 14: 10 – 23, it tells you not be so focused on the undesirable thing your brother or sister may doing. While you’re focused on them, you’ve become a hindering block in their lives and now brought doubt upon them. You don’t do your brother and sister that way. Love them despite your differences and worry about your own relationship with God and push your beliefs on anyone else. (This is my simple interpretation of these scriptures. Read for yourself and know your word). These scriptures spoke volumes to me. And here’s why…

• I am not a bible thumper. And I felt bad for this short coming because everyone around me was throwing scripture left and right for everything. But in this scripture I realized, me and God have our thing going on. He loves and I love Him. I know the bible and I know my brothers and sisters have different beliefs, so I let us be peacefully. Who am I to say they are wrong? And vice versa?
• Shouting and speaking in tongues… Might not be my calling. I’m good with my thank you’s and my own worship. Shouting and speaking in tongues doesn’t make me any less of Christian.
• I know what my convictions are, so therefore, almost everything else is ok (to a certain extent). Everyone isn’t convicted by the same thing and I accept that and I embrace it for everyone.

I’m different. We all are different. Everything is not a demonic force, generational curse (but those women that wear performance art makeup every day that should be on the list… I’m joking), our differences still won’t change the fact that we should all be worrying about our individual relationships with God. Get to know the bible for yourself and get right with your life.

Welp that’s all I have…. Until next time…