Black Folk Problems

“When it hurts, it runs deep. When it runs deep, it becomes contagious. When it becomes contagious, it becomes dangerous. Let’s take the fear and danger out of asking for help.”

Yesterday we lost a great legion, Robin Williams. As I am sure most have heard, his death was the result of a suicide. It is reported that he suffered from depression and substance abuse; which he had been trying to stay clean and get the help he needed. Now you may ask what does this have to with black folks and their issues. My response everything…

As an African American young woman, I have seen and heard the affects of mental illness in our community. “Get out them white folks face talkin’ bout yo problems. They don’t care you!” and “We have enough thang going on in our lives without you hollering ’round here ’bout yo business!” and “We black, we ain’t got no head problems.” and “Suck that crap up, life moving on and you sitting here cryin’ bout split milk.” Now I have heard a few of these phrases and then some and the sad part is those who may have been seeking help, have never gotten or will never  receive the care that they may need. Feeling as if they are weak and/or not a REAL black person if they seek counseling for their issues.

Mental health is very much real in our communities and in our lives. Not every one knows how to do a healthy purge of emotions. So as that parent, sibling, friend, lover, co-worker and/or community we have to make sure that we are hearing our loved ones out. Counseling may not be the solution to everything, maybe that person needs to know that they are genuinely loved and cared for by those that are in their life. And maybe counseling is just the thing that they may need. We will never know what our loved ones may be in need of, if we never listen and shut them out whenever they reach out.

So how does mental health become black folk problems? I am not saying that mental health is solely black folk problems, but what I am saying is, the denial of mental health issues in our community is great. The problem with being in denial about it becomes dangerous to the person and their environment. It becomes our problem because we are the ones tearing down those who suffer from any form of mental health or as a proxy in that person’s life we are giving them unrealistic answers to their very real issues.

There are black people right now struggling to cope with life, because their loved ones shutdown the idea of seeking professional help. Living a life where people feel that you are so out of control and they are now afraid you, but these are the same people who denied you the help you may have needed to be able to function in society. Our communities are filled with oxymoron’s and it needs to stop. 

So let’s pray (if you are praying people), talk, laugh, sooth or whatever that person may need from you at the time. But it’s timeout for closing the doors on our loved ones. It’s time to close our mouths and open our ears to their needs. Let’s build them up and let them that they are surrounded by love and encourage them to see things through. 

Until next time… Deuces 

 

Don’t Lose Me in The Moment… Seriously Help!!!

Good Day Folks… How’s it hanging? How ya mama and daddy, brother sister nem doing?

As I go through old photos, getting rid of items and make space for new adventures, I’ve come across some pretty embarrassing photos. Y’all know the ones that make you say “Well let me just throw this in the trash now!” or “Seriously I thought that was hot?” I haven’t always walked the straight narrow and I still don’t. But we’ll save that for another time and another moment. Seriously, have you ever gone back through old memories and items and thought to yourself “Thank the Lord for common sense!” Well I have. Here are 10 things I am grateful I didn’t do or go through with as youngster…

1. Weddings: Y’all remember those days behind the school bleachers getting high… Yeah I do too. Apparently I promised someone my hand in marriage and all the babies he could hope for… And he wanted 11 just like his grandparents… Foolishly I said yes!!! (LMBO) Needless to say even though I loved him (or thought I did) a few months later I dumb him to pursue a real relationship with weed.
2. Tattoos: Let’s be honest we’ve all contemplated those “His & Hers” tattoos. Thankfully I’ve had enough sense to say no.
3. Moving: My early 20’s were filled with adventures and not so well thought out activities. Making plans to move to another country for a guy, that even at this moment I cannot remember his entire name. How reckless and immature? Needless to say I didn’t go. This was courtesy of my mom…. Final decision “Let’s try a long distance relationship first!”
4. Love Them All: You just can’t love them all even if you try. Luckily, I knew the difference in fun, real and just too much.
5. Protection: Sex wasn’t the topic at dinner in my household but when I was older my mom suggested I protect myself. And I did just that. I stocked up on my own stash of condoms, knives and pepper spray. I never regret the decision to protect myself and carry it around.
6. Friends: I love all my friends to pieces and I pray they love me. We all have been friends for at least 6 years or more. We have been through ups and downs, ins and outs but ain’t no man coming between us. Lmbo!!! There was this guy who wanted me to give up my friends because some of them weren’t so innocent… Of course I was confused. Needless to say, he will always be remembered as the guy who never had a chance. What about your friends? LOL!!!
7. Recordings: My friends and I love to dance and sing. I am so glad camera phones and video cameras weren’t always readily available. I can only imagine what kind of hot mess would have been waiting for us in the future. Or, let’s not forget those girls’ nights that we bashed our guys or guys and other people. No need to have evidence of those things…
8. Kiss and Tell: I love my girls but let’s be honest how many of us share every single detail with your girls. I love my privacy to a certain extent. There are things you tell and then there are things you hold on too. Whether they are embarrassing or not. You should never hold the same cards as your friends. I’m just saying.
9. Ride or Die: When I love, I love hard. Let’s be honest though… I always wanted to hold my guy down and ride the waves with him. Whether it was love or not I wanted to be supportive… To a certain extent though. Oh you in jail? Dang, I’m sorry make sure you hit me up when you get out. Or those moments where they need a grip of cash and you know they get paid just like you do…. Nah bruh, you good.
10. Cosmetic Surgery: Weighing in at 146lbs and 21… I wanted smaller breast, lipo suction and butt implants. That would’ve been a waste of my money and time. I would’ve been banging for about 4 or 5 years… It’s best to wait until after you are done having kids to make that kind of investment into yourself, unless you have money like then go ahead. I am definitely glad I waited and I am still waiting.

It’s ok to be young, but be smart in your travels. I know some of you might go into the “world” (live a secular life) and experience different things, but just take care of yourself first and foremost. Premarital sex is wrong; however, it may be hard to hold out for some people. If sex is something you’re curious about, talk with your parents. Your parents will have an opinion, but would want you to do the right thing, and they will help you protect yourself. If not, there are free clinics to obtain birth control or other contraceptive options. Candidly speaking, I provided my own condoms, I put myself on birth control and I got tested often. Ladies always look out for yourself. Ask for his/her status. Be informed and never be ashamed to say no. Make your own sexual decisions. Never allow yourself to be pressured into doing something you know in your heart you do not want to do. When all else fails, look to God for guidance to abstain or to lead a celibate lifestyle. Trust me I know it’s difficult but it’s so worth it. Leave me your questions or comments below. Send me an email for a bit of advice. 

 

Until next time… Follow me on Twitter and Instragram @GoodolNeech